Managers meet resistance every day. The way they handle it often is counterproductive.
The resistance can come from a boss who won't approve a project, a management peer who refuses to provide resources, a customer who flatly rejects a proposal — anybody blocking you from meeting a goal.
The typical manager's default response when somebody keeps saying no is to keep selling the idea. The manager trots out more evidence to support the idea and describes the payoffs for the other person. And the person keeps saying no.
There's a better way.
Asking a series of easily answered questions will help the other person rethink his assumptions and open up possibilities for agreement. The idea was first proposed by Socrates in classical Athens some 2,400 years ago. The Socratic Method has helped opposing parties reach agreement ever since, though in today's more confrontational world it's greatly underused.
Asking a question like "Why do you say that?" can help you learn the reason why the other person isn't cooperating. The reason might surprise you.
Let's say that the financial officer is telling you the budget for your project is too high. Resist the impulse to list all the reasons why its benefits will outweigh its cost. Even worse, don't get into describing how the cost can be lowered. If, instead, you ask the officer why he said the budget's too high, you might learn it's too high for this quarter but that the project could be considered for the next quarter.
Or let's say an impatient boss says the meeting you led didn't accomplish anything. Ask what she means, instead of telling her about everything it did accomplish. Maybe she wanted it to resolve an issue — uppermost on her mind — that wasn't on the agenda.
You can easily dig a hole for yourself if you give a facile response to an objection without fully understanding what the other person means. A prospective customer asked a salesperson if his company provides customized products. The salesperson launched into a detailed description of the customized options the company offers. The customer was only making idle chatter, though. He was looking for a low-cost off-the-shelf solution. The salesperson's company could easily provide the wanted solution but the presentation got off track and never recovered.
Socrates put the case for using questioning rather than rapid-fire talking neatly: "Nature has given us two ears, two eyes, and but one tongue — to the end that we should hear and see more than we speak," he said. That's why we advise managers to give the other person most of the talk time whenever a discussion reaches an impasse.
Let's get more specific: what kinds of questions should you be asking?
You'll need different kinds of questions for different stages in the discussion. Here's a list of six categories of questions for a Socratic Dialogue, compiled by Richard Paul of the Center for Critical Studies:
Make it clear from your own body language that you're listening. It's not enough just to ask the question; you have to hear the answer. Lean forward, look closely at the other person, nod in agreement when appropriate. Paraphrase what you're hearing, to show you're listening — and to be certain that you heard it right.
Finally, as with any other dialogue, you must appeal to both the head and the heart of the other person. It isn't only the soundness of your argument that will determine the dialogue's outcome. Unless you also connect on an emotional level you can't be certain that the agreement you reach will be honored.
Kevin Daley is the founder of Communispond Inc., which has taught over 600,000 managers to communicate more effectively and is now celebrating its 40th anniversary. Now the lead executive coach for the company, Daley is the author of Talk Your Way to the Top and Socratic Selling, both published by McGraw-Hill.
The typical manager's default response when somebody keeps saying no is to keep selling the idea. The manager trots out more evidence to support the idea and describes the payoffs for the other person. And the person keeps saying no.
There's a better way.
Asking a series of easily answered questions will help the other person rethink his assumptions and open up possibilities for agreement. The idea was first proposed by Socrates in classical Athens some 2,400 years ago. The Socratic Method has helped opposing parties reach agreement ever since, though in today's more confrontational world it's greatly underused.
Asking a question like "Why do you say that?" can help you learn the reason why the other person isn't cooperating. The reason might surprise you.
Let's say that the financial officer is telling you the budget for your project is too high. Resist the impulse to list all the reasons why its benefits will outweigh its cost. Even worse, don't get into describing how the cost can be lowered. If, instead, you ask the officer why he said the budget's too high, you might learn it's too high for this quarter but that the project could be considered for the next quarter.
Or let's say an impatient boss says the meeting you led didn't accomplish anything. Ask what she means, instead of telling her about everything it did accomplish. Maybe she wanted it to resolve an issue — uppermost on her mind — that wasn't on the agenda.
You can easily dig a hole for yourself if you give a facile response to an objection without fully understanding what the other person means. A prospective customer asked a salesperson if his company provides customized products. The salesperson launched into a detailed description of the customized options the company offers. The customer was only making idle chatter, though. He was looking for a low-cost off-the-shelf solution. The salesperson's company could easily provide the wanted solution but the presentation got off track and never recovered.
Socrates put the case for using questioning rather than rapid-fire talking neatly: "Nature has given us two ears, two eyes, and but one tongue — to the end that we should hear and see more than we speak," he said. That's why we advise managers to give the other person most of the talk time whenever a discussion reaches an impasse.
Let's get more specific: what kinds of questions should you be asking?
You'll need different kinds of questions for different stages in the discussion. Here's a list of six categories of questions for a Socratic Dialogue, compiled by Richard Paul of the Center for Critical Studies:
- Questions that help clarify what the other person means.
- Questions that probe assumptions.
- Questions that look into the rationale, reasons and evidence the other person's using.
- Questions examining viewpoints and perspectives.
- Questions that probe implications and consequences.
- Questions get to the root of the other person's questions.
Make it clear from your own body language that you're listening. It's not enough just to ask the question; you have to hear the answer. Lean forward, look closely at the other person, nod in agreement when appropriate. Paraphrase what you're hearing, to show you're listening — and to be certain that you heard it right.
Finally, as with any other dialogue, you must appeal to both the head and the heart of the other person. It isn't only the soundness of your argument that will determine the dialogue's outcome. Unless you also connect on an emotional level you can't be certain that the agreement you reach will be honored.
Kevin Daley is the founder of Communispond Inc., which has taught over 600,000 managers to communicate more effectively and is now celebrating its 40th anniversary. Now the lead executive coach for the company, Daley is the author of Talk Your Way to the Top and Socratic Selling, both published by McGraw-Hill.
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